Facebook and Marriage

Now this post will be short and straight to the point.

So pretty much what we discussed in class was that once you got married it would be best to create a facebook that you both shared. Therefore you both would share the same friends, and honestly, if you're married and you have nothing to hide, so it shouldn't be a big deal right? Well some people feel uncomfortable, don't see the point. The thing is, is that once you are married you not only share a home, bed, bathroom, etc., but you also share friendships. You know how they say that when you get married you're getting married to your spouse's family as well? Well friends come along with that delio as well. I'm not going to lie...for those of you who have close single friends of the opposite sex, is going to be difficult, for some, to keep that friendship how it has always been. That is why it is wise for you to not only introduce your friends to your future spouse, but get to know theirs as well. Facebook comes with drama for some people, and that's the last thing you want in your marriage. If sharing a Facebook is a big deal for both of you, then there are some things you need to work out. Now, you don't HAVE to share one, but it doesn't hurt either. If you both trust each other 100% and don't see a reason why you should share your Facebook, that's totally fine! But it does help avoid secrets from each other, or even cheating on your spouse. If you both share a lot of the same friends already, it should not be that big of deal. It can be an awkward change, just because you are both used to having your own personal profile and what not, but it can really help. I know that there will be a split on people who agree and disagree with this, but hey, it's not for everyone and those who don't do it are not doomed for divorce. However, for others it can help strengthen their marriage and bond with one another. So wherever you fall with this "issue", you should all at least think about it! 

Getting Married and Transitions in Marriage

So we started this discussion by talking about what makes a good marriage. When most girls think of their wedding day, they think about this amazing and huge event where friends and family join to celebrate with the man of their dreams. There is an amazing cake, the reception has a great theme with glamorous or perfect decorations that go along with the theme, great food and music, etc. From an LDS perspective, we need to think what is really important; especially when we are college students who are getting married. Most of us have barely enough food to feed ourselves or go out and have fun, how can we afford an extravagant wedding when we can barely provide for ourselves individually? Well that's when the beauty of having connections with the church members comes in handy. So many people at church have wonderful talents to share, and are more than willing to help when they know is to help you have a special day for your wedding. You don't need to spend thousands or even millions of dollars to have an amazing wedding! What really matters and is the most important is that you are getting sealed for eternity to your partner. That should be your main focus. The fact that you've found that someone who Heavenly Father has specifically prepared for you, and you for him/her, and you're finally going to be sealed to them forever. I'm not going to lie, I was pretty focused on what I wanted my bridesmaids, and reception to look like, and honestly I regret spending so much time on it. Everything that could go wrong, pretty much did the day of my wedding; and at the end it didn't matter because I was just so happy to be married to my husband. Moving on to transitions in marriage; we all think that because we are marrying our best friend everything is going to be "practically perfect in every way". Reality is that, that is not the way it is, don't get me wrong marriage  can be full of happiness, but there are challenges and struggles along the way. For example, you have to get used to sharing a bed and blankets, money, bathroom, food, privacy, etc. Some are very easy to get use to, while others take some time; it's different for everyone. Especially when some people date for a few weeks, get engaged, and get married in within a month or 2!! My husband and I dated for 2 years before we got married and our first marriage anniversary is next month, and we are still learning so much from each other. They say that the first year is the hardest, but the truth is that every year there are new challenges and it depends on how you work it through together on how your marriage will be in the future. How you transition in your marriage is how you'll handle many of your future disagreements, and challenges, but that is what marriage is about working together.

Hooking Up

Well... this was an interesting topic to discuss in class. Although it was kind of awkward I'm very glad we talked about this, because some people need to realize what this kind of thing can do to someone. The conclusion I came up with after we discussed this in class,  was that people who just want to hook up with someone do not want to commit to a relationship; however they want the physical "benefits" that come with a relationship. It honestly confuses people, specially girls! Girls already have enough things going on through their heads, and this would just bring over-thinking things to a whole new level. Now, I'm not saying that girls are innocent when it comes to hook ups, because some do initiate it; but the majority of them get trapped in this box of confusion. I'm going to talk from a girl's perspective here. A couple of years ago, one of my friends had her first kiss, which was unfortunately, a hook up. They hooked up one day, and she never heard from the guy again, saw him a couple of times after that, but he didn't even bother to say hello. So, you can't tell me that that wouldn't confuse someone. Another thought that came to mind is that, maybe that is why LDS men are dating less and not getting married for a while. Some of them are too busy hooking up with girls and that's it! You might tell me "How do you know?"; well I see these things at school all the time. I'm a very observant person and anyone can see the difference between a couple who are in a relationship from 2 people who are just messing around. Hooking up has become part of the new generation, people who just want to have "fun" do it and therefore a lot of people are involved. I'm from southern California and going to high school there, well I heard that word pretty much everyday. For me it's sad to see that we are starting to forget the courting, dating, and being in a relationship. I think that today's generation is so focused on being independent that, hooking up, is the only thing that won't tie them down to a person, so they can just continue on with their lives. I'm very old fashioned, and this will sound cliche, but the things that people do while hooking up are very sacred and special things that should be shared with a very special person; not just something that you can give away like it's nothing.  Hooking up can damage people, emotionally, mentally and maybe even physically. When people hook up, they are showing how little respect they have for themselves and each other. Hopefully this hook-up culture that is going on today, will one day find its end and people will go back to the old ways, where people got to know each other, dated, and so on.

Same-sex Stuff

Well, we all know how difficult this topic is to talk about for those of us who do not agree with this kind of lifestyle, without getting negative comments no matter what your view is. So let me just clear something up for those reading this post, first, the LDS church does NOT hate the LGBT people. Yes, it is against our religion, but people who are attracted to the same sex are still children of God; we all are, no matter how or where we live, or who we love and marry. I think the problem is that there is, unfortunately, people, some LDS members, religious people or just "regular" people who really do hate people in the LGBT society. So does that mean that the group they fall into feel the same way? Of course not! Everyone has their own opinion and feelings about this topic, and we should all respect it.
In class, we talked about how being "gay" is not genetic, and people are not born that way. There was an interesting thing we discussed as a class; that some people (not all), become gay by the experiences they have had in their lives. Now some of you might say: "You guys just think that because you are Mormon"; and I say nope! That is not why! My professor, is a marriage and family therapist, and he has had patients or clients who are gay, so he does have a professional experience in the matter. Anyway, continuing with what I was saying; there are some people who were labeled from childhood, because they were not your typical boy or girl. To make it short, if we want to prevent our children from being sexually confused, not knowing what they are, it is our duty as parents and family members to help and support the child. If a little boy likes to play with dolls or is not interested in playing with cars or sports, it does not make him gay. The problem is that we, as a society, tend to label certain activities and actions as specific gender types. That is when we begin to think that if a girl does not like dolls, or girly things, something is wrong with her, and their actions are weird. Children do not know the difference, so why should we label them, when they are exploring their surroundings and beginning to know what they like and dislike?
I know that as a LDS member, it must be difficult to face this kind of lifestyle, but just so you know the church provides different kinds of support to those who feel alone, and hated on. In fact, I ran across this video on YouTube called, "It Gets Better at Brigham Young University", where LDS members who are homosexuals, tell their stories or experience as a student at BYU while being gay.

It just goes on to prove that we want to help those who are feeling alone, because I have to admit that being homosexual and being part of the LDS community is not easy. I have friends and know people who are homosexual, and I respect them. I may not agree with the lifestyle they live, but just like our Heavenly Father, I love them because they are my brothers/sisters, we are children of God, and we shouldn't forget that.

You Think You're Fancy Huh?

What is class? Are there different types? What does class mean?
According to the dictionary, class is a number of persons or things regarded as forming a group by reason of common attributes, characteristics, qualities, or traits; kind; sort. We use it in our society to describe people in different economic and social backgrounds. As you know there are 3 different kinds: lower, middle, and upper class.
 To prepare us for this topic,  we were to watch a couple of videos from the documentary "People Like Us: Social Class in America." I watched four different videos: Belles, Friends in Lower Places, Tammy's Story, and How to Marry the Rich. It was so interesting to see each story. The video Belles, was about the cheerleaders, and how so many girls from a very young age who are in dance lessons, strive to be one of them in the future. Some girls who loved to were in those dance lessons didn't know who the Belles were and therefore were "banned" from the click the other girls had formed. You had to be in a certain category to fit in. 
Friends in Lower Places is about a group of people who go to the "lower" class places to have a good time. It is interesting because the "rich" people try to go and fit in and behave like they can't back where they're from, and the locals know they're not from town. A lot of them were offended because the rich people think they can just go and be accepted, but if they were to go to the rich people's "environment" they wouldn't be welcomed. 
Tammy's story was my favorite. It's about a mother of 3 boys, who are in the lower class. They live in a trailer home, she works at Burger King, doesn't have a car, and other situations. Her oldest son is embarrassed of the way they lived, and it makes Tammy really sad to know that her own child is embarrassed of her and their home. Her son wants better things, a better life than his mom's, and I think that's great. The only thing I disagree on is that he should be grateful for the hard work that Tammy is putting on to bring food on the table. 
How to Marry the Rich is about a woman who is being "trained" by another woman who has married a rich man. The single woman is tired of finding men who do not have jobs, a car, or successful life; so the married women helps her learn the ways of the "upper" class in order for her to meet a rich, and successful man. 
What I learned and found very interesting is that no matter in what social and economic "class" we fall in we all want what the other has. The upper class wants the "freedom" that the middle class has, the lower and middle class want the success and the advantages that the upper class has. To me it is just sad to know that we have these labels and we all get treated differently depending on which class we fall in. We are all human beings, we live on the same planet and we should all get treated the same. It's true that some work harder than others, but if we really want that success in life, that is what we all have to do. You have to work hard and be patient for what you want out of your life. You can't be something you are not, don't let people label you no matter where you were born. We can "level up" depending on how hard we work, and even then some people will still not accept you. It all comes to the individual, and how much work you put in to get where you're at today. Unfortunately, we care too much about what people think about us, and that is what stops us from moving forward. Class is just a word not who people are, if anything we should be labeled by the type of people we are and not where we come from or how much money we have. 

How time has changed...

Time...Time is what we call years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, and seconds. However, time is not only a measurement of our days, but what impacts the change in our lives. Throughout time so much has changed in the American culture. Such changes would include music, way of dressing, food, media, all the way to standards and how we view families. Today, we see cohabitation, single parenting, same-sex couples, divorce, premarital sex, and living alone becoming the new "typical American family". So what's the big deal you ask? Well the big deal is that these "trends"are not only affecting certain families, but children and this country as well. As you know, I'm taking a Family Relations class, and we studied these trends, and I'll summarize some things I think are really important to consider in order to have a positive change throughout our future time in this world.
So as I sat in class and we discussed this topic we brought up all the different trends that are going on at the moment. Don't forget that by trends, I don't mean fashion, but family. These are the trends going on today:

1. Birthrates
2. Age at marriage
3. Unmarried births                           
4. Cohabitation
5. Employed mother (6 years old)
6. Living alone
7. Divorce
8. Household size
9. Premarital sex

It was interesting to realize that at the end they all affect or lead to one another. For example: Cohabitation and living alone lead to premarital sex and age at marriage, then that leads to unmarried births and birthrates decreasing, and if they do marry it leads to divorce, which leads to employed mothers, and finally to household size. Now, what might be confusing to some of you is how household size, and living alone affect families today, or how they are even considered a trend. Well let's start with living alone shall we? An increasingly number of people are living alone today, from being separated, widowed, or just never married. This is a trend because it pushes people to wait to remarry (not that they have to); which affects the age of  when people marry. While people live alone, it encourages them to have non-committed relationships and premarital sex which again could lead to unmarried births and so on. Now, household size due to unmarried births, cohabitation and living alone, the average household size is decreasing. A family consist of more than 2.5 people; and at this rate soon it'll be 1. As you can see all these "trends" are affecting families all over this country, and the more we inform ourselves about these subjects, the more we can avoid this from happening in our lives and our families. We need to go back in time and remind ourselves how the value of family was once one of the main priorities in people's lives. Time will only tell how soon our priorities will affect our families...

Humble Beginnings

Well, my name is Kathy; and like many of you I'm starting this blog for my Family Relations class at BYU-Idaho. A little bit about myself, I'm married and at the moment is just my husband and I, and our 4 month old puppy, Cambria

. We've been married for a little over 8 months, and are looking forward to starting a family in the future. We both come from very different family backgrounds, and yet we all seem to get along just fine! I come from a family of 9 +, thanks to my parents' divorce; and my husband comes from a family of 5 counting his parents. Different cultures, beliefs, size, etc. It is one of the many reasons why I'm looking forward to this class since I've experienced many, many things with my family. I love our families very much and can't wait to see what I can offer to this class from my personal opinions and experiences.